Going to be taking a break from social media for a while. Uninstalling twitter and Facebook and miitomo from my phone for a bit. See you all later. Please do not comment on this.
Yes it is personal, but I think this should be an open letter so people understand. I've probably been too pushy with my posts. Probably pushed some people away I wanted a new start with. Even including a few people specifically. To a specific someone(s): what we did to each other hurt, really hurt. I wrote an apology and meant it, then my book was stolen and I was so angry with you again (again, please do not worry, the damage done is done, there will be no charges). I ruined yet again a possible new start, I want, but shouldn't ask for a new one, or perhaps I haven't been ready yet. I'm working on forgiveness and acceptance for who you are and how you are now. I still need time, you still need time. It's not my place to "fix" people. I've been hurting myself for far too long worrying about you. My posts on things like Facebook were angry, conversations with friends about fears unfounded, and it is time I worry about my life first. Please forgive things I didn't really mean said in moments of passion. Be friends with my friends, do as you wish. I have a big heart, and everything I did was because I really have always cared about you and my other friends. I love you my friend(s), packaged deal and all. Even though I can't support the idea of the package, I will not hate you for it. Please don't hate me for not being able to support it, though in everything else, I wish you the best. The only one I've been hating this whole time has honestly been myself. Perhaps we can have a fresh start later, all sides forgiving all sides. A real fresh start. I loved when we used to hang out, bowl, halo, movies, lunch, hike, chat, ice-cream, it was good, and I wish it could be again. I really did enjoy the things we've done. When I started to be included less as much or not at all I became envious, and stupid for far too long. I've tried not thinking about it, tried letting go, but I can't. I'm broken. I need time to fix myself. I must be sounding like a broken record by now, months of blaming ones self does that. but I truly have been trying to set this down, to stop blaming myself. I am hoping there is any hope at all. And I know you felt I didn't appreciate your efforts too, I did, I really did. I meant what I said then, and I mean what I say now.
To everyone else who had to read that, just know life was hard, but I did that to myself. I am hoping this will be the last it ever is brought up publicly. I can not be a negative cloud of energy dragging others down. Things at this point, well, it'll either stay as it is or one day all will be well. For now, I need a break from being stupid to myself, from tearing myself down. Again, please don't comment.
Listening to: Music
Reading: Bible and Book of Mormon
Playing: with my pencil+the dogs